Featured

we wear the mask.

We Wear the Mask

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.
Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
       We wear the mask.
We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
       We wear the mask!

there is no mountaintop

in the middle of eclipse and retrograde season. i do not know if i’m coming or going some days. things are moving slow but things are certainly moving. traumas are being revealed. ancestral traumas are being healed. i am at most in the drivers seat of my healing and my creations. and at the very least i am getting 6-8 hours of sleep a night. i’m introspective and even my introspections are of retrospect. i feel the love even in my solitude. i’m challenging the illusions i’ve made reality. i’m loving on the voids i’ve historically tried to get others to fill. i have so many creative ideas swirling. i’m writing a lot.  i celebrated a solar return. i bought a house. and i’m training for another half-marathon. still somehow i feel like i’m just getting started. i guess because there is no mountaintop…i’ll holla!

answering the call.

the most magical parts of the journey for me always seems to be on the other side of an answered call. You know the call in the seat of your soul that tells you to do this, or that, switch locations, travel here. It’s never comfortable or convenient and what I’m learning is that it’s guaranteed to be magical, transformative and life-altering.

“they tried to bury us. they did not know we were seeds.”

This weekend I completed the Mama Glow Level One Doula Training in Brooklyn. Without sufficient language to describe the experience I will just say the weekend was sacred. It was divine. and the Glow has been activated!

I take on life as a game, there are some things you must do to get to the next level and until you do those things you continue to repeat the same level over and over. Repetition is necessary, especially as a way to seal in the lessons.  This training however, was a portal for me. It was literally me activating the next level of my journey as a birth worker, counselor, coach and advocate for women of color.

It all started November 2016, the day after the presidential election. I, like so many others was feeling pretty heavy that day. My body ached, my head ached, it was a gloomy day. It reminded me of NYC on September 12th, 2001 a feeling of somber so thick, I could never forget. I went into work and got a call toward the end of the day that a friend was progressing in labor. I rushed home, took a shower, changed clothes and went over to the hospital to offer my support. Shortly after arriving it was time for mama to push, I had been anticipating baby Aedyn’s arrival for quite some time but what I had not anticipated was the message she bought forth for me. Aedyn’s birth solidified that I am a doula, the way in which her birth transpired solidified that my voice would be used to advocate for women of color and my innate gifts would be used to nurture and heal the womb. I’ve attended births since Aedyn, I’ve done trainings, I’ve done research but there was something missing. What was missing was the training, nurturing and mentorship that I received this weekend at Mama Glow Level One Doula Training and to think, this is only the beginning. While still newly minted, I am firmly planted. I am a part of a collective of women that love me. I am trained by a Goddess who is walking in her truth, on her path. Latham has done the work and she left the door open for other Goddesses such as myself to walk in, to learn, grow and expand.

I’m super grateful for the opportunity. I am also super present to the obligation to answer the call. Our work is so much bigger than us or our temporary discomfort or inconvenience. Latham answered the call to develop this Doula Training, creating the space for a group of phenomenal women to answer their call. I will spend some in reflection about the weekend, I will share more, I’m sure. But for now…if you feel the call in the seat of your soul, go for it.

 

p.s. I’ve admired Latham Thomas @glowmaven from afar, she’s been my Instagram BFF in my head. She’s even more dreamy in real life. Love you Latham! Thank you for answering the call and holding the space for all of us to answer 💕

 

Love you!

Half-Marathon Me.

about a week ago I ran my first half-marathon. I had a thought today about how quickly a goal becomes an afterthought once complete, at least for me. Running 13.1 Miles wasn’t something I would have predicted for myself, but it’s something I noticed myself admiring in others. I would get this jolt of excitement when I saw people complete marathons, sort of an admiration. Turns out that excitement was my body wanting to be pushed to that extent. In January, I decided I would sign up for the Brooklyn Half-Marathon, my Dad said he would join me… four months of training later and we did it!

Lessons from 13.1

  • My mind is literally the cheat code. If I declare I’m tired and don’t want to run, I have a shitty run. If I say I’m running 10 miles today, I run 10 miles, with ease.
  • I’m a sprinter. I can endure anything for a finite amount of time. I found myself wanting to run fast and be done. It was both humbling and joyous to slow down and witness myself go the distance. Turns out slow and steady really does win the race 🙂
  • The first two miles always seemed to be the hardest, I am now noticing where I may want to give up at the onset of discomfort and realizing that I haven’t even found my flow yet.
  • If you admire something in another, (or if you’re repulsed by something in another) it’s because it exists in you!
  • Doing something for the first time is just riveting!!! Do it!

a bit of an apparition

perhaps it’s a defense mechanism. she shares emotions and feelings with the collective and she struggle’s to maintain boundaries… she picks up the phone mid-dream to listen– she offers support, encouragement, prayer– most times she doesn’t even realize that the conversation rarely shifts to her or her well-being but occasionally she notices. she holds those needing to held, and then when she needs a shoulder the most, a moment to breathe, to release, to replenish… she leaves, she goes deep within herself. hard to find, hard to pin down. but eventually, she appears again. she can be a bit of an apparition at times.