mother.

mother.

my healing is your healing. my joy is your joy. my pain is your pain.

your life is my life. your habits are my habits. your heart is my heart.

thank you for nurturing me, loving me, birthing me.

thank you for the moments you persisted when you had nothing left in you to give.

thank you for the days you wanted to give up but you didn’t.

thank you for the times you did not know what to do but you did something.

thank you for your grace. for making it all look and feel so effortless.

thank you for listening to my stories as if they were the most interesting.

thank you for carrying me.

thank you for pushing when you were tired.

thank you for smiling when on the inside you were crying.

words are so futile when measuring my gratitude, my love, my reverence.

you are beauty defined. grace personified. love, perhaps overqualified.

i chose you. and if given the chance i would choose you over and over.

and over. forever. my girl.

with love and gratitude.

happy mother’s day!

mirrors.

my relationship with you is essentially my relationship with myself. you and I are two souls incarnated on purpose. we both have traumas, karmic debts, and scores to settle in this lifetime. We came to this plane as two completely separate beings, yet  we are one…

…your very presence in my life is proof of divine order and divine grace. I marvel at the ways we find each other lifetime after lifetime in different forms. I’m amazed at the measures taken for us to reconnect on such a massive planet.

as we navigate this journey, i am here for you and even more so i am here for me. taking care of you will come naturally, i promise to take care of myself. please promise to take care of yourself. we will be better together because of it.

 

 

try the easy route.

somewhere at the intersection of the rain washing over me and finding my rhythm in my third mile I began to smile. You don’t have to suffer. It was so clear, so simple yet so profound. Oh gosh, I don’t have to suffer! I tapped my fingers to the rhythm of my run, began to breathe deeper yet lighter. The colors of the trees seemed brighter and I breathed it all in– all the love, creativity and ease– and I exhaled suffering, at all cost.

I ran repeating that in my head, rhythmically. just cause you’ve got grit, doesn’t mean you have to suffer, try the easy route. just cause you’ve got grit, doesn’t mean you have to suffer, ride the wings of change. even my stride became more graceful, the rain felt more pleasant as it hit my brow. by the way, it’s a haiku 🙂 but what does it even mean?

grit(n): courage and resolve, strength of character, fortitude, courage in pain or adversity

grit(v): clench (the teeth), especially in order to keep one’s resolve when faced with an unpleasant or painful duty.

I believe grit is a gift, developed over time. It’s admirable, it’s a trait I desire to see in others and a way of being that I default to often. It can get tricky, when you’ve developed true grit you have also developed a level of tolerance for things, situations, people and circumstances that may not serve you. What you are actually doing is suffering. You suffer through but for you and your true grit it does not necessarily feel like suffering, you are just doing what you know to do– resolving.

You are free to try an easier route, listen to your emotions and intuition when something is out of whack. Notice when something is requiring a level of energy that results in depletion. Notice when you find yourself pushing really, really hard to resolve, consider that you are suffering and decide in that moment if you want to suffer. You may be a masochist, and that’s ok as long as you’re conscious of it. If you’re not a masochist then ask yourself how suffering benefits you, if it doesn’t try an easier route. If you are suffering through an inevitable change, surrender and ride the wings of change. Ride the wings of change? Yup, don’t push. Flow. You know when you’re pushing or forcing an outcome, in those moments surrender, take a deep breath, say a prayer, go for a walk, do something to shift the energy for your own sake. And I’ll say it one more time, in closing. YOU DON’T HAVE TO SUFFER!

Xx

combustion.

the moment when every single thing that is not working.

every way of being that is no longer serving you.

every commitment that is out of alignment.

is right there, in plain sight.

it’s forcing you to do something.

you feel like your back is against a wall.

it almost feels like your head is going to explode.

“Who Am I? What Am I Doing? Why Am I Here? Why Did I Just Say That? Why Am I Holding On So Tight? What The Hell Am I So Afraid Of? Why Is This Not Working? Why Am I So Irritated? Why Am I Taking It Out On The One I Love?”

.

.

.

the answers to those questions, whatever you come up will not be what makes a difference. I am actually not sure what will make a difference for you. But I read a quote once that said “for a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen, a gaseous nebula must collapse.” and you know what else? the caterpillar… the caterpillar has such a gruesome transformation into the butterfly. In summation, one day the caterpillar stops eating, hangs itself upside down and spins or molts into a cocoon. What happens in that cocoon? Oh little homie digests’ itself, each cell self destructs releasing prime butterfly-making material. I imagine it’s intense as hell in that cocoon. but then, the butterfly is released.

.

.

.

so combust. let your head explode. scream. cry.  explode. shit, digest yourself. there’s beauty in the rebirth. there’s beauty on the other side.

wings and shiny things.

Xx

 

the stars have aligned.

Mercury stationed direct. whew. The new moon is in Aries, the beginning of a new lunar year. Beyoncè just resurrected my whole entire life. and I’m feeling like a weight lifted. The air around me is lighter. The vision is clearer. The inspiration is imminent. I am overjoyed. While Mercury Rx was tough for me, as it was for many I got something so worth the frustration and tears that were shed over the past few weeks. What was in review for me was my own self-worth. What came up? Who I am in relationship with others, who have I been over the past 7 years. I have Aries in my 7th house so there are no surprises that relationships were the highlight of my reflections…

… you’ll never stop loving hard. you’ll meet others on your path. you’ll love them deeply. you’ll keep learning, growing, creating, and you’ll keep opening your heart, until it learns not to contract in fear. You’ll let it burst at the seams maybe a million times over, in this lifetime. Next time as the seams burst, as the excitement overtakes you and your natural disposition leans toward altering yourself for another take a moment… in that moment make a promise to keep yourself first. It will be a challenge for someone like you but I think it will help with your transition. Instead of losing yourself or feeling like you are, you extend that big love so it includes you and if all else fails, and if all else continues to fail you know what you’ll have no matter what? you’ll have you!!! Xx …

 

11:11

do you trust yourself enough to do it

because ultimately that is what you are faced with

there are no external circumstances, those are illusions.

the concerns that spill through soiling the dream, those are illusions too.

what you stand up against is yourself.

you already know it’s alchemy. you already know that the universe will conspire…

you know your gifts, you have the passion, the will, the grit.

you will never answer the question, “am I truly capable?” from a place of wonder.

you actually have to do it to find out.

the guest house.

THE GUEST HOUSE
Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.