the moment when every single thing that is not working.
every way of being that is no longer serving you.
every commitment that is out of alignment.
is right there, in plain sight.
it’s forcing you to do something.
you feel like your back is against a wall.
it almost feels like your head is going to explode.
“Who Am I? What Am I Doing? Why Am I Here? Why Did I Just Say That? Why Am I Holding On So Tight? What The Hell Am I So Afraid Of? Why Is This Not Working? Why Am I So Irritated? Why Am I Taking It Out On The One I Love?”
the answers to those questions, whatever you come up will not be what makes a difference. I am actually not sure what will make a difference for you. But I read a quote once that said “for a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen, a gaseous nebula must collapse.” and you know what else? the caterpillar… the caterpillar has such a gruesome transformation into the butterfly. In summation, one day the caterpillar stops eating, hangs itself upside down and spins or molts into a cocoon. What happens in that cocoon? Oh little homie digests’ itself, each cell self destructs releasing prime butterfly-making material. I imagine it’s intense as hell in that cocoon. but then, the butterfly is released.
so combust. let your head explode. scream. cry. explode. shit, digest yourself. there’s beauty in the rebirth. there’s beauty on the other side.
Mercury stationed direct. whew. The new moon is in Aries, the beginning of a new lunar year. Beyoncè just resurrected my whole entire life. and I’m feeling like a weight lifted. The air around me is lighter. The vision is clearer. The inspiration is imminent. I am overjoyed. While Mercury Rx was tough for me, as it was for many I got something so worth the frustration and tears that were shed over the past few weeks. What was in review for me was my own self-worth. What came up? Who I am in relationship with others, who have I been over the past 7 years. I have Aries in my 7th house so there are no surprises that relationships were the highlight of my reflections…
… you’ll never stop loving hard. you’ll meet others on your path. you’ll love them deeply. you’ll keep learning, growing, creating, and you’ll keep opening your heart, until it learns not to contract in fear. You’ll let it burst at the seams maybe a million times over, in this lifetime. Next time as the seams burst, as the excitement overtakes you and your natural disposition leans toward altering yourself for another take a moment… in that moment make a promise to keep yourself first. It will be a challenge for someone like you but I think it will help with your transition. Instead of losing yourself or feeling like you are, you extend that big love so it includes you and if all else fails, and if all else continues to fail you know what you’ll have no matter what? you’ll have you!!! Xx …
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
You don’t actually have to choose joy if you are not feeling internally joyful. It’s ok to choose the exact emotion that you are feeling, and by choosing you ultimately release judgement and allow yourself to feel the more vulnerable emotions like sadness, anger, fear, malice, envy, shame. Those emotions are real and they deserve to be welcomed just as freely as we welcome joy and happiness. The concern that inevitably arises for me when falsely choosing joy or using the mind over matter technique is that it is a temporary fix at best, a bandaid if you will. Choosing a more amicable or acceptable emotion is in violation to our growth and healing. It’s inauthentic. It’s a flag on the play. Unnecessary roughness. Flagrant! Really… it is. It does not heal anything, it does not transform, it does not enlighten or enliven, it does not even reveal to you your triggers.
When an emotion is not allowed it is suppressed, also suppressed is an opportunity to get to the other side of whatever it is you are feeling. Our path is not linear and like roses, there are thorns. The fullness of joy you are able to experience in this lifetime is directly correlated to your willingness to allow your emotions to come and visit freely. Sad days will come, honor them. Be curious about what may be ready for healing. Write about how you feel. Talk about how you feel. Don’t just choose joy for the sake of being temporarily comfortable, you do not have to. It’s ok to not be ok. And for heavens sake please stop telling people to just be happy. Don’t stunt their growth like that.
I am in love with you. I do not necessarily want to have sex with you. I may or may not be physically attracted to you. Maybe you are my friend, someone I knew my entire life, or maybe you are a stranger that I’ve just come into contact with. Maybe you are a man. Maybe you are a woman. Maybe you share the same sentiments but maybe you are completely freaked out by the proclamation. Maybe you lean in or maybe you build a wall. I am in love with you. It has nothing to do with physical or material. It has nothing to do with what I want from you or what I want to do with you. It has nothing to do with your features, your smile, your whit, your charm or your body. I am in love with. You happen to fit, hand-in-glove, with the very patterns of consciousness that I carry in the depth of my being. Happenstance, there is no such thing so I know this meeting is divine. I am forever grateful for this moment and sometimes, oftentimes, most times it is just that…a moment, fleeting.
am. in. love. with.
*i wonder if we, the collective will arrive here in this dimension but then I read in the way of mastery: “your journey to God is alone” and so I will use my energy to love not wonder.
Have you ever taken a moment to notice the gap between where you are and where you want to be? For you it may be jarring or you may see the other side clearly. You may feel excitement or perhaps you feel really discouraged, wherever you are on the journey know that you are in a magical space, honor it.
a note from the gap:
I am holding the space. I am only here while you develop yourself to vibrate at a frequency that matches what it is you want. I do not exist to torture you, or make you sad and discouraged. I am not here to tease you, taunt you or hold you back from your hearts desires or your soul calling. I am not here to hold you back while everyone seemingly passes you by. I am on your side, please believe that I am. I want you to have staying power. I want you to be sure. I want you to be happy. I want you to efficiently train, develop and prepare yourself . I may seem cruel in the midst of your impatience but remember that I am the same gap that allowed your lungs, eyes, ears, and organs to form in your mother’s womb. You would not have made it to this side without me, the gap. I am the same gap that trained and developed the greats, before you knew them by name. I refresh, restore and provide hope. I am the same gap between Song Cry and 4:44, if you know what I mean. You will sail blissfully together through the night with your deepest desires, I promise but not one moment before you are ready. It will be perfect, just the same way it was the day you entered the world. The way the stars and the moon and the sun aligned so intricately to welcome you, do you know that kind of magic only gets created in the gap. Patience young grasshopper. Don’t forget Jay favorite line “Dawg, in due time…” Be Encouraged.