there is no mountaintop

in the middle of eclipse and retrograde season. i do not know if i’m coming or going some days. things are moving slow but things are certainly moving. traumas are being revealed. ancestral traumas are being healed. i am at most in the drivers seat of my healing and my creations. and at the very least i am getting 6-8 hours of sleep a night. i’m introspective and even my introspections are of retrospect. i feel the love even in my solitude. i’m challenging the illusions i’ve made reality. i’m loving on the voids i’ve historically tried to get others to fill. i have so many creative ideas swirling. i’m writing a lot.  i celebrated a solar return. i bought a house. and i’m training for another half-marathon. still somehow i feel like i’m just getting started. i guess because there is no mountaintop…i’ll holla!

mirrors.

my relationship with you is essentially my relationship with myself. you and I are two souls incarnated on purpose. we both have traumas, karmic debts, and scores to settle in this lifetime. We came to this plane as two completely separate beings, yet  we are one…

…your very presence in my life is proof of divine order and divine grace. I marvel at the ways we find each other lifetime after lifetime in different forms. I’m amazed at the measures taken for us to reconnect on such a massive planet.

as we navigate this journey, i am here for you and even more so i am here for me. taking care of you will come naturally, i promise to take care of myself. please promise to take care of yourself. we will be better together because of it.

 

 

feel what you feel.

You don’t actually have to choose joy if you are not feeling internally joyful. It’s ok to choose the exact emotion that you are feeling, and by choosing you ultimately release judgement and allow yourself to feel the more vulnerable emotions like sadness, anger, fear, malice, envy, shame. Those emotions are real and they deserve to be welcomed just as freely as we welcome joy and happiness. The concern that inevitably arises for me when falsely choosing joy or using the mind over matter technique is that it is a temporary fix at best, a bandaid if you will. Choosing a more amicable or acceptable emotion is in violation to our growth and healing. It’s inauthentic. It’s a flag on the play. Unnecessary roughness. Flagrant! Really… it is. It does not heal anything, it does not transform, it does not enlighten or enliven, it does not even reveal to you your triggers.

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Be grateful for whatever come because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.                         (that’s what Rumi said)

When an emotion is not allowed it is suppressed, also suppressed is an opportunity to get to the other side of whatever it is you are feeling. Our path is not linear and like roses, there are thorns. The fullness of joy you are able to experience in this lifetime is directly correlated to your willingness to allow your emotions to come and visit freely. Sad days will come, honor them. Be curious about what may be ready for healing. Write about how you feel. Talk about how you feel. Don’t just choose joy for the sake of being temporarily comfortable, you do not have to. It’s ok to not be ok. And for heavens sake please stop telling people to just be happy. Don’t stunt their growth like that.

Love y’all!

Xx

 

 

untitled.

Falling in love. The way of mastery
The Way of Mastery

I am in love with you. I do not necessarily want to have sex with you. I may or may not be physically attracted to you. Maybe you are my friend, someone I knew my entire life, or maybe you are a stranger that I’ve just come into contact with. Maybe you are a man. Maybe you are a woman. Maybe you share the same sentiments but maybe you are completely freaked out by the proclamation. Maybe you lean in or maybe you build a wall. I am in love with you. It has nothing to do with physical or material. It has nothing to do with what I want from you or what I want to do with you. It has nothing to do with your features, your smile, your wit, your charm or your body. I am in love with. You happen to fit, hand-in-glove, with the very patterns of consciousness that I carry in the depth of my being. Happenstance, there is no such thing so I know this meeting is divine. I am forever grateful for this moment and sometimes, oftentimes, most times it is just that…a moment, fleeting.

 

I.

am. in. love. with.

You.

*i wonder if we, the collective will arrive here in this dimension but then I read in the way of mastery: “your journey to God is alone” and so I will use my energy to love not wonder.

we wear the mask.

We Wear the Mask

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.
Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
       We wear the mask.
We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
       We wear the mask!