there is no mountaintop

in the middle of eclipse and retrograde season. i do not know if i’m coming or going some days. things are moving slow but things are certainly moving. traumas are being revealed. ancestral traumas are being healed. i am at most in the drivers seat of my healing and my creations. and at the very least i am getting 6-8 hours of sleep a night. i’m introspective and even my introspections are of retrospect. i feel the love even in my solitude. i’m challenging the illusions i’ve made reality. i’m loving on the voids i’ve historically tried to get others to fill. i have so many creative ideas swirling. i’m writing a lot.  i celebrated a solar return. i bought a house. and i’m training for another half-marathon. still somehow i feel like i’m just getting started. i guess because there is no mountaintop…i’ll holla!

we wear the mask.

We Wear the Mask

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.
Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
       We wear the mask.
We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
       We wear the mask!

Thoughts on Healing from Cape Town

What is my purpose in life? To heal that which needs to be healed.

If it is true that we are souls who incarnated to have this human experience then what we do professionally is a minimal matter in comparison to how willing we are to allow ourselves to heal. Consider we incarnated to heal generational wounds. Also, consider the ONLY way this is possible is by being intentional about learning the tough lessons. Looking at what hurts most and dealing with the root cause of it. What if we did not turn down the opportunity to be uncomfortable because we were so sure that the heat of the fire was exactly what was needed to move us through.