the moment when every single thing that is not working.
every way of being that is no longer serving you.
every commitment that is out of alignment.
is right there, in plain sight.
it’s forcing you to do something.
you feel like your back is against a wall.
it almost feels like your head is going to explode.
“Who Am I? What Am I Doing? Why Am I Here? Why Did I Just Say That? Why Am I Holding On So Tight? What The Hell Am I So Afraid Of? Why Is This Not Working? Why Am I So Irritated? Why Am I Taking It Out On The One I Love?”
the answers to those questions, whatever you come up will not be what makes a difference. I am actually not sure what will make a difference for you. But I read a quote once that said “for a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen, a gaseous nebula must collapse.” and you know what else? the caterpillar… the caterpillar has such a gruesome transformation into the butterfly. In summation, one day the caterpillar stops eating, hangs itself upside down and spins or molts into a cocoon. What happens in that cocoon? Oh little homie digests’ itself, each cell self destructs releasing prime butterfly-making material. I imagine it’s intense as hell in that cocoon. but then, the butterfly is released.
so combust. let your head explode. scream. cry. explode. shit, digest yourself. there’s beauty in the rebirth. there’s beauty on the other side.
wings and shiny things.
Have you ever taken a moment to notice the gap between where you are and where you want to be? For you it may be jarring or you may see the other side clearly. You may feel excitement or perhaps you feel really discouraged, wherever you are on the journey know that you are in a magical space, honor it.
a note from the gap:
I am holding the space. I am only here while you develop yourself to vibrate at a frequency that matches what it is you want. I do not exist to torture you, or make you sad and discouraged. I am not here to tease you, taunt you or hold you back from your hearts desires or your soul calling. I am not here to hold you back while everyone seemingly passes you by. I am on your side, please believe that I am. I want you to have staying power. I want you to be sure. I want you to be happy. I want you to efficiently train, develop and prepare yourself . I may seem cruel in the midst of your impatience but remember that I am the same gap that allowed your lungs, eyes, ears, and organs to form in your mother’s womb. You would not have made it to this side without me, the gap. I am the same gap that trained and developed the greats, before you knew them by name. I refresh, restore and provide hope. I am the same gap between Song Cry and 4:44, if you know what I mean. You will sail blissfully together through the night with your deepest desires, I promise but not one moment before you are ready. It will be perfect, just the same way it was the day you entered the world. The way the stars and the moon and the sun aligned so intricately to welcome you, do you know that kind of magic only gets created in the gap. Patience young grasshopper. Don’t forget Jay favorite line “Dawg, in due time…” Be Encouraged.
I will with the assistance of my guides become aware of my personal needs, wants, thoughts and feelings and I will honor that, forever. I will honor it out of respect and love of self and I will honor it in reverence of those that surrendered. I will honor it in reverence of those whose submission allowed for me have a say, a choice. I will radically honor those on the ancestral realm for their bravery, their foresight, their love, their strength. Thank you! Thank you, God. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Angels. Spirits. Fairies. Warriors. Healers. Thank you, Rachel Manley and those that took on the role of a slave. Thank you, Gracie, Jasper, Albert, Julia. Thank you, Maya, Martin, Malcolm, Paul, Langston, Fred, Harriet, Sojourner, Nat, James, Amadou. Thank you, Trayvon. For those that I have omitted, I welcome you. I thank you and I ask that you reveal yourself to me. With love, reverence, and gratitude. A’se.
I know lately you have been second-guessing yourself. You have been feeling the aches of the parts of you yearning for healing. You have been emotionally needy. I know that you want to be loved in the exact way you can feel it, that cuddly doting love you yearn for. I watch the way you love others, somewhere deep within hoping they mirror. Hoping that it clicks for them that the physical reassurance is what grounds you, calms you and beams you up in ways you have not been able to explain. I know, I really do and I want that for you too but darling make sure you leave some room for yourself to feel the love that your people know how to give. Everyone is wired differently, not everyone is an intuitive empath with a wide open heart that can sense what is needed. That does not mean they love you or care for your any less. Sometimes it all looks totally different than what you think you want and need. Sometimes what you want is not what is needed for your optimal healing and growth. Sometimes different may feel lesser. Sometimes different doesn’t measure up but that’s only because of your attachment to things going a certain way.
Imagine it is Christmas morning and you’re giddy. You wake up early and rush to your gifts and they are in gift bags but everyone should know that wrapping paper is your thing! Maybe there’s a feeling of sadness, frustration, or even upset because you do not get to tear through that wrapping paper like you were looking forward to. Meanwhile in those gift bags are more than you even thought you wanted but because it is packaged different than you would have preferred, you lose appreciation before experiencing the joy and love inside. Once you experience what’s on the inside you must ask yourself the question, “was the wrapping paper that important?” and if it was, fine. Be attached and please consider the damper it puts on the spirit of the one loving you the best way they know how. Consider the happiness it sucks out of your life. The attachment to things being a certain way ultimately stifles the purity and the magic of the love being offered. So I’ll ask again, I will ask over and over was the wrapping paper that important?
Sometimes goodnight looks like thank you.
And sometimes do you want more food is I love you.
inspired by my maharishi.
Have you ever been so attached to a moment that you consider running away from it in a frail attempt to keep it perfectly in tact in your memory… at least. No? Ok bye.
She was so profoundly sad within the dark corners of her soul. Longing for a love. Longing to be understood. Longing to be wanted. She was longing for a place to stretch her bones, a place for her blood to flow freely, a place where she could be free in her own skin.
She was profoundly sad within the dark corners of her soul. She wanted to be soothed. She wanted to be rocked. She wanted to be reassured that she was enough. Bruised. Beaten. and tormented she never learned how to be there for herself the way she showed up for others. She so badly wanted someone to meet her there, within the dark corners of her soul.
Black Coffee. I Have Faith. South African Vibes.
jam out. have your coffee black.