This photo was taken from the entryway of the first house I fell in love with. It was so early in the process. I had not gotten pre-approved. I attended a NACA meeting to learn more about homeownership. I had some conversations with Ayodele on what buying a house might look like for both of us. I downloaded the Zillow app and would peruse the different homes in the neighborhoods I was interested in. I wanted to live in Southwest Atlanta for sure. I was eyeing the Pittsburgh area but had my search set on two zip codes ‘30310’ and ‘30311’. I remember when I got the alert for this house. It was made for me, at least that’s how it felt, I was so excited I reached out to the real estate agent listed on Zillow. Again, I had not been pre-approved yet or anything, but I went to see the house, I fell utterly in love. I spent almost an hour there during the visit. I invited people over, no really! Mama Kanika, Mama Kim, and Ayodele came to see it. We took pictures; I felt so at home. I obviously knew very little, or nothing actually about the home buying process. To fall so deep in love, so prematurely was a tough lesson I had to learn. (not my first trip to that rodeo, but anyway) It turns out that the home was not only the apple of my eye; it had become the apple of several interested buyers eye. Nearly twenty offers had already been received, the house was on the market for 1.5 days at that point. The selling agent was not accepting any more offers. I cried. Drama. I got pre-approved the next day. I was postured for a miracle. The damn house was mine !! It wasn’t actually. It wasn’t my house at all, but it was the house that called me into action. It was the house that bought the conversations that I had been having to life. And a year later I now realize that it was the house that taught me that I do not always get what I want, but I have never been without what I need.
It is no mistake that I am revisiting this lesson on the heels of Mercury retrograde, on the heels of a new moon in Pisces, and almost a year since the date I first saw the house. For me, this lesson is less about the house, less about the home buying process and more about allowing, trusting and surrendering to infinite intelligence. We have a limited view, on purpose. Our limited view will have us fighting for something and holding on to what is not meant for us. Yes, we may love it, them, him, or her. Yes, it may seem like just what we want and need. And that may be true. What is also true is the limitations of our foresight. We may not see how short-lived, painful, treacherous, or misaligned the thing that we think we want so bad will become for us. We may not understand what’s on the horizon for us that makes that particular thing, not a viable option. I am relentless in my pursuit to what it is I made my mind up to believe that I want. I am choosing to be relentless in my surrender to receiving what it is the all-knowing Creator wants me to have. I am not letting go of my goals and desires. I am still setting intentions. I am always visualizing my dreams. I am only surrendering my attachment to how they manifest.
…an ode to the bridge house on centra villa.
happy *early* new moon.
p.s. jay electronica says 20/20 hindsight is so euphoric.
p.p.s. i bought the house that i was supposed to be in. remember I told yall about my reading with the hood healer, it came up that this was the house I needed to be in.