building muscle.

The full moon energy that we are still in the glow of has had me tapping into emotions that have ran their course in my life. In the days leading up to the full moon, I was over the top emotional, easily triggered and feeling like a little girl who needed to be placated. I needed attention, so I thought from relationships outside of myself. It was not until Monday during meditation that I began to see clear what was at play. The time has come for me to let go of some past trauma, cycles and ways of being that are in direct opposition to what I say I want.
My full moon affirmation: I am happy. I am full of joy and the joy from my heart permeates and pours out all around me.
In order for that to be my reality there were some uncomfortable conversations I needed to have and some unpleasant realities that I had to sit with. I wrote out all the things that were not working for me, the things I was ready and willing to be done with and I burned the paper. It was so magical and refreshing to set fire to the papers (though I had a slight moment of panic after I set fire to the paper because I was in a guest room at the St. Regis Hotel and thought oh gosh what if I set off the whole sprinkler system with my full moon rituals LOL) well that didn’t happen, gratefully. Since that moment I’ve been gaining clarity on some things. I am challenging myself in new ways. I am loving myself in new ways. and I am offering grace and unconditional love to myself and in my relationships in new ways.

Being an empath is a gift and it comes with great responsibility. Sometimes I forget that pain isn’t the only emotion we can absorb. I’m learning to absorb all the joy and with that I’m also realizing that being happy is ultimately a moment to moment decision. Wanting to be happy isn’t enough, at least not for me. Starting your day declaring is only half the battle. I think of it as a ball game. You gotta show up for yourself in each second, each quarter. In the face of bad calls from ‘refs’ and amazing defense from your ‘opponents’. (consider that your thoughts are your opponents on any given day!) You have to give yourself space to choose in those moments, and then choose again and again. It’s a journey, it’s a sport and I’m building muscle everyday! ❤️

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