That morning I was rushing to get my things into my suitcase, everything wouldn’t fit. I found myself getting increasingly frustrated, sitting on top of my Away luggage I pulled at the zippers finally getting them to meet each other. What a relief to be done and with the next breath, I noticed how many things I left lingering. There was my scarf, shirt, sneakers, flip-flops and a bag of medicine. I still carry around most of my meds from the Lyme treatment. How am I suppose to fly with all of this stuff? Eventually, I manage to get everything into three bags. One overhead and one carry-on is the requirement but perhaps I could finagle my way onto this flight with three bags (spoiler alert: I boarded that flight with my three bags.) Shoot, I left my phone on the charger. We are maybe a mile away from the house. Dad doesn’t hesitate to turn around and I’m thinking, “I wish I could leave myself at the house.”
I could barely see the city listed at the gate. I know I’m at either 46 or 47, the words were blurry because there were tears welling up in my eyes. Please do not cry Shyah. Please do not cry. The lump in my throat is more like a lodge, I could barely bid my parents adieu because I felt the tears coming. I also know these tears won’t come as a single tear. These tears will have me trying to catch my breath and I have this flight to catch. My parents are on their way to church, and most importantly I never want to leave them feeling like I’m not ok. So I smiled, I gave my hugs and walked toward the terminal wiping away that one disobedient tear that escaped.
When do I get to be comfortable? Why do I feel so sad to go? Why is Atlanta beginning to feel foreign to my soul? I love that city. I’ve grown so much in that city. Could it be because at the moment I do not have roots? I’m staying with friends, and let me tell you something about my friends. They have shown up for me, they have taken care of me. They have held me down, in the same way, I would hold someone down and I am eternally grateful. Louis, Justin, Thomas, Stephanie, Stephanie twice man. Tevie, Lisa, Frank, LaTrese, Maggie, Robert, Louis again. Nakiya! And I know I’m leaving people out.I’ve slept on couches, in beds, washed my hair, bathed with Epsom salt, washed clothes, burned sage, ate dinner, prepared meals, let my guard down, cried, laughed, and vented in these people’s homes. They welcomed me, they asked for nothing in return. They were generous. they were accommodating. Some of them offered me advice, some of them helped with my transition. They were there for me.
Ashley, Leah, Mom, Dad, Malaika, Angela, Kristel, Halleemah, Carmen they listened to me, they held space for me to say what was there for me. Ashley, Kristel, and Angela got me clear, I reached a place of forgiveness in my conversations with them. Malaika was a constant, a smiling face and listening ear. Halleemah prayed with me. She encouraged me. She ensured me that Gods got me.
This week in NYC/NJ has been magical, fulfilling, grounding, healing. Thank you, family. Thank you, God. Thank you Shyah for listening to your intuition, for taking a vacation, for being with family!!!
I do not know what’s next for me. I do not know for sure what I’m being prepared for but knowing the God I serve, the angels that watch over me, and the ancestors from which I came I know that it will be a glorious and humbling occasion.